There are only twelve of these qualities and they do not have a hierarchy, each of them is equally important.
- Close your eyes and feel the person’s kindness, loyalty, insight, devotion, and ability to care for both themselves and you. When choosing a partner, it can be helpful to look beyond superficial characteristics and instead focus on the qualities that truly matter in a relationship. Although our cultural conditioning can influence how we perceive others, it’s important to look beyond the surface level and pay attention to what our intuition tells us. Sometimes, what we perceive with our inner senses when our eyes are closed can reveal more about a person’s true character than what we see with our outer eyes. So take a moment to close your eyes and feel into the person’s energy, noticing their kindness, loyalty, insight, devotion, and ability to take care of both themselves and you. These are the qualities that can contribute to a healthy and fulfilling long-term relationship.
- The ability to learn is crucial for a long-term relationship; choose someone who can open and close, gradually learning and developing. When it comes to long-term relationships, the ability to learn and grow is an essential quality to look for in a partner. This means being open to new perspectives, willing to see things in a new light, and curious about the world and other people. Someone who is unable or unwilling to learn and grow can be intolerant, inflexible, and closed-minded, which can make it challenging to sustain a healthy relationship. Therefore, it’s important to choose someone who can open and close, gradually learning and developing over time.
- Choose someone who possesses both strength and sensitivity, and prioritize the ability to learn to develop potential. When selecting a partner, it can be beneficial to seek someone who embodies both strength and sensitivity. Strength refers to the ability to weather the storms of life, to be flexible and resilient when faced with challenges. Sensitivity, on the other hand, is the capacity to be aware and attuned to one’s own emotions and those of others. Finding a partner who embodies both qualities can create a harmonious balance in the relationship. Furthermore, it’s important to choose someone who is willing to learn and develop their potential in both areas, as well as other aspects of their life.
- Choose someone who expresses hurt when hurt and is aware of your pain; lack of reaction may signal sensory dysfunction or emotional detachment. In a healthy relationship, it’s essential for both partners to be aware of and responsive to each other’s pain. When choosing a partner, it can be helpful to observe how they respond when hurt or upset. Ideally, they should express their feelings of hurt and be aware of your pain when they’ve done something to upset you. On the other hand, if they fail to react when they’ve caused you pain, it could be a sign of sensory dysfunction or emotional detachment. It’s important to choose a partner who is willing to engage with their emotions and those of their partner to foster a healthy and supportive relationship. It’s highly probable to encounter individuals who have gone through a negative relationship experience to some extent. This is why the ability to express your pain and empathize with others is crucial in building a healthy relationship. It’s inevitable for tension or hurt to occur in relationships, but it doesn’t have to be a repeated occurrence. Oftentimes, people carry unresolved anger from past relationships and may have an increased urge to inflict pain on their new partners. However, it’s important for them to recognize when their actions are causing harm and take a step back to prevent further damage.
- Choose someone who has his own inner life. It doesn’t matter if it’s woodcarving, herbarium, writing, religion, meditation, or any other hobby or interest that they enjoy. When you choose a partner, it’s important to find someone who has their own passions and interests outside of the relationship. These people are often more self-aware and have a better understanding of themselves, which allows them to be more independent in the relationship. When you’re in a relationship with someone who has their own inner life, they’ll see you as a partner and fellow traveler in the journey of life. They’re able to connect with others, but at the same time, remain separate, which is an important quality in any relationship. Relationships go through cycles and rhythms, and there are times when you need to connect with your partner as one, and times when you need to be apart while still maintaining the connection that exists between you. Relationships like this are healthy, whereas relationships where the connection breaks up or there is no connection at all are not what you should strive for.
- Choose someone who shares your passions. When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to create shared memories. Doing things together creates a savings account of happy memories that you can draw upon during difficult times. It’s important to have common activities that are more than just brushing your teeth together in the morning. Sharing passions and interests with your partner helps to deepen your connection and create a stronger bond. It’s important to have shared experiences that you can look back on and remember fondly.
- Choose someone who shares your values. When it comes to things like children, family, gender roles, money, religion, and other important values, it’s ideal to find someone who shares your views. Of course, it’s unlikely that you’ll agree on absolutely everything, but it’s important to have a similar outlook on the big issues. Shared values help to reduce tension and conflict in the relationship, and it’s a good idea to discuss these issues before entering into a long-term commitment. While we all want the magic of romance and passion in our relationships, it’s important to approach them pragmatically as well. A pragmatic approach makes it easier to get through difficult moments and work together as a team.
- Choose someone who is able to sympathize. Someone who is willing and able to listen. Someone who is willing to equally spend their time on you. Especially if you are an easily excitable person, and your partner is not as excitable as you are, then gradually his calm rhythm will be transferred to you, and this will benefit you. In the same way, and vice versa, a relaxed partner, when interacting with a faster one, will also accelerate at some moments and this will lead to general harmony and the establishment of a rhythm between the two. According to the author’s observations, this rhythm within the couple levels out after about 9 years of marriage. Everything takes time.